Tips on how to eat Fast Food!

16 01 2008

People say there is only one way to eat fast food and that is to eat it. For the money, it’s usually the best deal unless you live near China Town and can scavenge off $5 buffet meals. Alright, I’m here to tell you that there actually is a way to eat fast food and I’m only sharing this portion of my age old wisdom due to a stagnation of wages, increase of inflation from 3.4% to 4.3%, energy costs, grocery food prices, and unemployment.

This tip is only for those who wish to:
1. Buy less and fill themselves faster.
2. Save money on fast food cuz you buy less. (duh!)
3. Live healthier because you eat less but enough to reach your daily calorie quota.

Analyze the picture below and spot the mistake this beef-cake is making.

Well here’s what he’s doing wrong:

Starting off his meal with a burger!

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The rules of eating fast food are:
1. Light sip of soda to wet the appetite.
2. Fries first because fries go bad quickly and also because it helps in expanding your stomach which in turn prepares your body for the large mass of beef/cheese/fat that is to follow.
3. Burgers follow only after you’re done with your fries.

Following the above rules will usually result in you “feeling” full rather than eating burgers first and then fries. Eating is a psychological experience. It is also a physical experience. All the energy expended in eating fries will make you tired and your stomach happy.

But before we go anywhere, let’s start-off with when you walk in to a fast food restaurant and your hungry stomach is telling you to get the largest. Remember Godzilla. Big doesn’t always mean you live the longest. The puny humans outlived that crap of radioactive waste.

So, something to know before placing an order:
Never order a meal! The drinks that come with the meal will usually add $1+ on your meal and they fill you up very quickly. In essence, they’re not worth the money you spend on ’em. Instead ask for water. It’s free and does the same as soda only healthier. You can take a quick sip of it and continue with #2 and 3 from my rules list.

Eating cheap at Burger King and McDonald’s?
Order the dollar menu. We all know about the dollar menu so why aren’t we using them?
1. Burger King has the Jr Whopper and Spicy Chicken Sandwiches (bigger than the Whopper Jr) for $1 which they usually do not advertise. Or try swapping the burgers with McDonald’s McChicken or the Cheeseburger (doesn’t really fill up anybody).
2. Get 2 of them with fries and a cup of water and it should be all within $4 after taxes.

Now that you’re loaded with this piece of garbage information, hope you take heed to the GIGO formula of Garbage In Garbage Out. Fast Foods are garbage but then again, for the economically and culinarily challenged, the above hints will help you ease your troubled diet consisting of ramen noodles and peanut butter sandwiches along with the occasional Totinos (or other cheap $1) pizzas.

Click your heels together and join in the cacophony of JT’s “… I’m loving it!” chorus.


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